


Flying in the Friendship Ship

by knightofcauldrons



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: -batman voice- co captain of the friendship ship, Blink-and-you'll-miss-it angst, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Friendship, Gen, Literal Sleeping Together, Popcorn, because sarah steel, blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to past child abuse, its ironic that this is a fic largely about sleeping because i wrote this at 12am, this???? might be the dumbest and fluffiest thing ive ever written???????, way too much speculation about ritas sleeping habits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-14 01:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20184073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightofcauldrons/pseuds/knightofcauldrons
Summary: Just 2,267 words of mindless Rita & Juno fluff, including but not limited to:Juno angrily eating popcorn, bets being lost, sleeping in places where you shouldn't sleep, Rita's terrible/amazing aim, Buddy Aurinko's Adorable Sleepy Voice, a month's supply of free salmon snacks, and Vespa & Buddy totally not being married.





	Flying in the Friendship Ship

Rita’s the sort of person who falls asleep as soon as she gets comfortable, with a broad sense of the word “comfortable”. 

Because, Rita is also the sort of person who could get comfortable anywhere. This was mostly due to the fact that she had cats growing up- If Mistah Snuffles the Four-Eyed Kitty curled up on her stomach while her leg was bent at an awkward angle, then so be it. 

List of places that Rita’s slept that she definitely shouldn’t have been comfortable enough to sleep in:

**Her swivel chair.**

_She has slept in that darn chair multiple times. And somehow, she’d wake up completely well-rested without a single cracking joint. _

_“Meanwhile,” Juno complained grumpily one day. “_I’m_ sleeping all curled up in my bed, underneath my blankets, with _two_ whole pillows, and yet _my_ joints all sound like the floor when it creaks while you’re trying to tip-toe through the house without waking up-” Juno abruptly stopped talking._

_“..Mistah Steel?” _

_“Nevermind,” he said gruffly._

_“..Okay.”_

**Outside of an office, on the floor, leaning against the locked door behind her.**

_Rita woke up to the sound of yelling._

_“_Rita!_ Holy shit, what the _hell_?” _

_Rita rubbed her eyes underneath her rhinestone-covered glasses, squinting up at Mistah Steel._

_“Boss, why’d you have to wake me! You coulda at least nudged me gently awake instead of yellin’ in my ear, Mistah Steel!”_

_Mistah Steel spluttered for a good minute before he could finally form words. _

_“Rita, it’s- How long have you _been_ there!? Holy- You should’ve left _hours_ ago!” _

_“..Mistah Steel, did you sleep in your office all night?”_

_Juno’s jaw dropped to the floor. _

_“.._Rita_,” he said. “You slept on the _floor_ outside my office! Who gives a shit about _me_!?”_

_“I do,” said Rita genuinely._

_Juno blinked. Then he sighed. “C’mon, get up, Rita. Why were you on the floor anyways?” _

_“Oh, Mistah Steel!” said Rita, as Juno helped her up. “When you got back to the precinct last night you seemed real mad, and when I offered you some salmon snacks you didn’t even bother to say anythin’ snarky cuz you just kinda huffed and marched away all angry, an’ I got worried, so I kinda stood in front of your door and knocked but you kinda just ignored me, so I just sorta sat down and waited but then I think I fell asleep. An’ I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t do anythin’ stupid, because when you’re angry you’re actually sad and when you’re sad you’re stupid. I mean, you’re actually pretty smart, boss, but I meant stupid like _reckless_ and not stupid like _dumb_. Well, you’re kinda dumb, it took you thirty minutes to figure out how to open your email- thirty whole minutes, boss!- and in the end you needed my help, anyways-”_

_“Rita.”_

_“But anyways, uh, yeah! I knew that if you did anythin’ dumb inside your office, I’d prolly hear it! And if you left your office to do something dumb _somewhere else_, then you’d have to go through me! And there ain’t any windows or vents in your office- I mean, I guess you coulda dug your way out with a spoon. They do that in movies, y’know! The characters like, sneak spoons into their jail cells and then dig out of them by chippin’ at the ground! I don’t think the HCPD has that problem, though, I don’t think Hyperion criminals are smart enough to carry spoons with them. Anyway, I didn’t mean to fall asleep in front of your office, but I don’t really mind. I missed my favorite stream, but they do reruns on Mondays anyways so I ain’t really missin’ anything.” _

_Juno stared at Rita. He blinked at her. Once, twice. Thrice. Another, another. After a while of silence, Rita thought they were in a very backwards staring competition. _

_Eventually, Juno seemed to find his voice._

_“You missed your favorite stream for me?” _

_Rita grinned widely at Juno._

_“It wasn’t _really_ my favorite,” she said, “but it was up there.” _

_Juno lapsed back into silence, then sighed. _

_“I would’ve let you into my office.” _

_“No you wouldn’t have!”_

_“Well, I told you to screw off for the first twenty-five minutes, but then after that you didn’t say anything and I thought you left!”_

_“You didn’t see my shadow under the door?”_

_Juno paused then grimaced._

_“..No. I didn’t, actually.”_

_“Oh! Some detective, huh?” said Rita, jabbing an elbow at him. Juno scowled, and Rita snickered. “I’m just teasin’, boss!” she said, ruffling Juno’s hair, and the two walked off._

**In Juno’s lap.**

_Rita found_ anywhere_ comfy, though she found this one particularly so. _

_Rita wasn’t mad at Juno for the whole sleeping-outside-his-office thing, no matter _how_ guilty Juno felt about it._

_Rita, however, _was_ going to use Juno’s guilt as a way to get him to watch the stream rerun with her._

_So Juno found himself sitting next to Rita on the couch in his apartment, Rita’s fingers greasy from popcorn that had way too much butter than was necessary. _

_Rita fell asleep a little past halfway through the episode. _

_Rita was also a cuddler, and somehow, in her sleep, she had transferred herself into Juno’s lap. _

_Juno looked down at Rita’s head resting on his chest, and sighed. This wasn’t the first time that this had happened- It took Juno a long time to realize, however, that if Juno moved her somewhere else, she would _not_ wake up. Rita could probably sleep through a nuclear blast, Juno thought. _

_So Juno slowly slipped out from under Rita, picked her up, and carried her to his bed. She immediately snuggled underneath the covers. Juno gave her sleeping form a small, lopsided smile, before he gently closed his bedroom door and walked over to his couch._

There _was_ a point to all this, and that point is that Rita can sleep _anywhere_. And a ship floating in the middle of space occupied by herself and six eccentric criminals was no different.

...All of that, however, was under the assumption that she hadn’t confined herself to a 12-hour stream marathon. 

...Which she had. 

And she had dragged Mistah Steel into it. Rita knew that he had no idea what was happening on the stream, but she didn’t mind, cuz she just liked hangin’ out with him.

“Boss,” said Rita, somewhere about four hours into the marathon, “open your mouth.”

Juno eyed her, then eyed the piece of popcorn in her hand, then eyed her again. 

“..Why?”

Rita just grinned at Juno. 

Juno sighed and opened his mouth, and flinched at the piece of popcorn that hit him in the nose.

“Okay, you weren’t even _aiming_ with that.”

“I was _too_!” 

“Well not very _well_.” Juno flinched again at the popcorn that hit his eyelid. “Oh c’mon, you could’ve poked my eye out! And then neither of my eyes would work. And then it’d be all your fault. In thirty years, I’ll be in a bar telling the story about how I lost my other eye to a tragic popcorn accident.” 

Rita giggled at that. 

Another popcorn piece hit Juno in the face.

“Okay, my mouth wasn’t even _open_ for that!”

“Well maybe you shoulda opened it faster, boss!” 

“Well maybe you shouldn’t be throwing popcorn at me! Your aim’s terrible.”

“My aim’s _great_!” 

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yuh-huh!"

"Are you even _aiming_-” A popcorn piece landed in his mouth mid-sentence. Juno paused. 

Juno angrily chewed and swallowed it. 

“Lucky shot!”

Rita giggled. 

“See, Mistah Steel! I’m a _great_ shot.” 

“Yeah? I bet you wouldn’t be able to do that again.”

“Try me, Mistah Steel!”

“I _will_!” said Juno, getting up and walking over to the doorway of Rita’s room, putting distance between him and Rita.

“Bet you couldn’t get me from here.” 

Rita crossed her arms. “I _could_!”

“Prove it.” 

“I _will_!”

Rita threw a piece.

“..Okay, that’s not even _close_.” 

“Well if I’m such a bad thrower,” said Rita, “then I bet _you_ can’t catch it. I bet that _I’m_ such a bad thrower that _you_ won’t be able to catch it in your mouth.” 

“Oh, c’mon, that’s not fair! If I _do_ catch it, then it proves you’re not a _completely_ bad shot. If I _don’t_, then it just shows how _I’m_ not fast enough to catch it. Either way, I lose him!”

Rita threw another piece. Juno dived and caught it in his mouth. 

Rita’s eyes sparkled as she paused her stream.

“Okay, _this_ is just insane. Popcorn isn’t very aerodynamic, Rita.”

“What? Backin' out, Mistah Steel?” 

“This _can’t_ work,” said Juno to Rita, who was standing halfway down the hall. 

“It _could_ work,” said Rita. “Like, if you just sit on the floor, and _I_ throw real hard, then gravity will work in our favor.. Or somethin’ like that!” 

Juno sighed, then sat down on his knees. 

“If this works, then I’ll pay every time you buy those salmon snacks for a whole month.”

“Deal, boss! And it _will_ work.”

“It won’t.” 

“I’ll throw it in one.. Two.. Three!”

Vespa likes to think that, as long as she’s in Buddy’s arms, she can soundly sleep anywhere. 

This is, for the most part, true. 

But even when Buddy Aurinko, the love of her life, is wrapped around her and nuzzling into her neck, it’s hard to sleep when _seriously what the fuck are Rita and Juno doing in the hallway_. 

Vespa shifted a little and Buddy made a small groaning noise, her breath warm against Vespa’s skin. 

“Vespa?” she asks in her sleepy voice- Soft, and a little croaky and gravelly, and slighter higher-pitched than how Buddy usually talks. It’s adorable, making Vespa’s heart clench.

“Listening to those two idiots out there is hell, Buddy,” Vespa said softly to her as she untangled herself from Buddy. “I’m gonna go see what they’re doing. And tell them to shut up.” 

Buddy curled up in response to the absence of Vespa’s warmth, looking up at Vespa and rubbing her bleary eye. 

“Alright. I doubt either of us will be able to sleep while.. _That’s_ happening. Whatever those two are doing.”

Vespa gave Buddy a soft nod, and then she walked over to the door.

(Outside the room, Rita counts down and throws a final piece of popcorn.)

Vespa opens the door at precisely the strangest moment.

Juno is yelling. Rita is yelling. They’re looking at each other with wide eyes. Juno is sticking out his tongue. There’s a piece of popcorn on top of it (that Vespa can tell has way too much butter). With the way Juno’s yelling, it sounds like he’s going through fifty different emotions at once. 

“HOLY _SHIT_ THERE’S NO WAY-”

“I _DID_ IT! I TOLD YA, BOSS! _WHAT_ DID I SAY? IT TOTALLY WORKED!” 

Juno chewed his popcorn. Somehow, he looked positively gleeful and deeply enraged at the same time.

“I’M GONNA BUY _SO_ MANY SALMON SNACKS, MISTAH STEEL! Oh, hi Misses Vespa.” 

Vespa blinked, then looked weakly back at Buddy, who was sitting up and raising her eyebrows with a look that said _what the hell was that cacophonous sound that came out of Juno’s and Rita’s mouths_. 

Vespa looked back at Rita and Juno.

“What the fuck.” 

Rita and Juno glanced at each other.

“..So I lost a bet,” Juno said, making Rita snicker. 

Vespa blinked at him. 

“Guys,” she said. “It’s the fucking ass-crack of dawn.”

“..Huh. It sure is,” agreed Juno.

Vespa stared at him, then sighed and rubbed her forehead. 

“I’m fucking tired,” said Vespa, “and I’ve had to listen to you two do.. Whatever the _hell_ you two were doing, for way too long. You two should get some sleep, yeah?” 

Juno and Rita glanced at each other again.

“..Yeah. Maybe we should.” 

Vespa rolled her eyes a little.

“You idiots. Go fuckin’ sleep, you two,” Vespa said, tired and annoyed, if not a little bit of fondness in her voice. (...Mostly tired and annoyed, though. But the fondness was still there, somewhere underneath the layers of exhaustion in her more-gravelly-than-usual voice.)

Rita walked back into her room, and Juno slunk in afterwards. 

“We’re getting fired now. Vespa’s gonna kick us off the ship,” Juno half-joked.

“Nah, she won’t!” Rita said. “I think Vespa likes ya, an’ she wouldn’t kick ya off, her wife likes ya too much and we both know Vespa would totally listen to ‘er.”

“..Wife?” 

“I’m talkin’ ‘bout Buddy, duh.”

“..Ritz, they’re not-” Juno stopped talking mid-sentence. He knew that if he told her Buddy and Vespa weren’t _technically_ married, it would go in one ear and out the other.

Besides. They were _basically_ married. 

“You know what, nevermind,” Juno said. 

Rita rubbed her greasy fingers onto her shirt.

“We could watch the rest of that stream,” said Rita. “Or some of it, at least. I could turn the volume down a bit.” 

Juno sighed a little.

“Sure. I don’t have anything better to do.” 

Juno woke up later, leaning against the headboard, the faint sounds of a stream in the background, and the clock telling him it was much too early in the morning to be awake already. 

Juno looked down at Rita, curled up in his lap and her head resting on his chest. 

He smiled down at her fondly, gently took off her glasses for her, and leaned back against the headboard, the vibrations of Rita’s snores rumbling right into his heart. 

It was vaguely uncomfortable, but because it was _Rita_, it was somehow comfortable anyways. 

Juno fell back asleep, something vaguely resembling a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact; this was originally gonna be part of a different fic, but it didnt quite fit what i wanted. i liked it anyways tho, so i figured i'd post it separately
> 
> i did NOT mean to go on for SO SO long about how rita sleeps and yet here we are. rita is also SO fun to write
> 
> hope you enjoyed this!! comments are always greatly appreciated 
> 
> (i blame the fic title entirely on the fact that i listened to holy musical b@man while writing this, and [dynamic duet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp24yIiMVbo) started playing, and now i cant stop imagining rita and juno as robin and batman)


End file.
